Summary:
After 65 years of marriage, two life-partners
face the prospect of final separation, as one of them develops multiple
myeloma. This is the crisis that led Irvin Yalom, eminent psychiatrist,
novelist, and pioneer of existential psychotherapy, and his wife Marilyn,
acclaimed feminist author and historian, to collaborate in writing the story of
their journey through Marilyn’s final months of life. In the resulting book, Irvin and Marilyn write alternating chapters
until Marilyn becomes unable to write. After her death, Irvin continues with
the story of his bereavement.
Marilyn’s
chapters include reflections on love and illness, ranging from Emily Dickinson
and Henry James to Paul the Apostle. She frequently expresses her gratitude: “I can still talk, read, and answer my emails. I am surrounded by loving people
in a comfortable and attractive home.” (p. 20) Most of all, she is thankful for
her husband, “the most loving of caretakers.” (p. 15) Yet, as her disease progresses,
she comes “to the understanding that I would never be the same again—that I
would pass through days of unspeakable misery while my body would decline and
weaken.” (p. 76) She decides to pursue the option of physician-assisted
suicide, which is legal in California, when her suffering becomes
overwhelming.
In
his chapters, Irvin resists this decision, maintaining hope for additional
“good” life, despite all evidence to the contrary. Near the end, Marilyn’s pain
and other symptoms become so severe that she cries out, “It’s time, Irv. It’s
time. No more, please. No more.” (p. 139) Her physician arrives, confirms her
intention, and surrounded by her whole family, Marilyn sucks the liquid through
a straw and quietly passes away.
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