Summary:
In
1951, Eileen Tumulty, the novel’s main character, was nine years old and living
with her Irish immigrant parents in the Woodside section of Queens, New York. The
novel follows Eileen straight through the next 60 years, but concentrates on
the years covering the time of her husband’s Alzheimer’s disease.
Eileen
was forced to learn how to manage a household at a very young age when first
her mother was kept in a hospital for 8 months after a hysterectomy, and then
again when her mother became incapacitated by alcoholism. Eileen had reason to
think this life was her destiny until she accompanied her father to a better part
of Queens. There she saw “places…that contained more happiness than ordinary
places did.” She concluded, “unless you knew that such places existed, you
might be content to stay where you were.” (pp. 15-16) Eileen’s ambition was
ignited. While continuing to manage the household and care for her mother, she
does well in school, becomes a nurse, and eventually moves up the nursing
management at various hospitals.
Eileen’s
ambitions encompassed ideas on her eventual mate. She chooses Ed Leary despite
hoping for someone who was not quite so Irish and not quite so much of the same
place. Ed was a promising neuroscience graduate student who she thought could
be a high achiever with the right motivation: “If there was anything she could
help him with, it was thinking big.” (p. 97) Her motivation was not enough and
neither were the many offers he received from life science companies. He became
a professor at a local community college. He had a passion for teaching
students who attend community colleges and he could never see himself anywhere
else—for love or money. Ed’s intransigence frustrated Eileen, but she accepted
it and plowed ahead. She studied the possible ways of escaping the old
neighborhood and also delivered a son she thought she’d never have after years
of futile efforts.
It
doesn’t go smoothly. While she is getting surer of where they would go, Ed
begins to exhibit disconcerting behaviors. For them to live in Bronxville,
Eileen will have to accept a house that needs a lot of money and attention to
rehabilitate. The remainder of the story is about how Eileen simultaneously
manages Ed’s rapid deterioration from what eventually is diagnosed as
Alzheimer’s disease, her job requirements, and a son progressing from
adolescence through college.
We Are Not
Ourselves touches on many of the
aspects involved in prolonged illness including the daily struggles managing
the care of someone with progressive dementia, complexities of health care
delivery systems, frustrations with byzantine health care coverage, and threats
to relationships among the individual family members with one another, and the
grace that can manifest during the bleakest moments. The author does not dwell
on all these issues, but gives them enough attention so that their effects will
be recognizable to many readers who have experienced them. In doing so, he was able to draw from his own
experiences with his father who was stricken with early onset Alzheimer’s
disease.
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